Exploring the outcome of a narcissist’s lies, from a narcissistic abuse survivor
Lies are the bloodline of a narcissist.
Behind every toxic narcissist’s actions lies a burning desire to take what they feel they deserve. Besides, anything that they want is already theirs anyway (to them, at least).
Growing up, I was faced with a narcissist that consistently laid reign over my life in one way or another. Getting to understand them, I learned that I could not trust a damn thing that came out of their mouth.
The lies would grow, morph and shapeshift into whatever the narcissist needed at that time. The constant lies left me with whiplash (and growing unrest about what the truth really was).
Sorting through the lies of a narcissist is an incompletable task. How can I be so sure what they told me one day will match the next? I cannot speak for every narcissist out there, but I can share my experience with the one I know all too well.
Simply leaving me to sort through their lies kept me engaged and thinking about them. Every breadcrumb lie I saw focused on the narcissist–this is where why wanted me.
A narcissist can take your trust, time, dedication, and energy.
How does this happen?
A narcissist takes from you by lying to get you where they want you.
Keeping me on the hook
I was the narcissist’s current focus of interest.
If you stand in the way of a narcissist, you’ll face the wrath of your betrayal. I found this out the hard way, trying to keep up with the narcissist’s lies.
The reality is a mere suggestion to a narcissist; their ‘truth’ trumps all else. And it makes sense, right? When someone is desperate to feel powerful they are deeply insecure.
Being tied to a narcissist in any way will have some sort of negative effect on you. I was always given the nicest, sweetest voice from the narcissist. Additionally, I was hit with hurtful a statement representing their lack of love for me as a family member.
Your time is valuable. I noticed how much my time meant to the narcissist. I painted the picture of the life they wanted me to see, not the cracks I seemed to notice.
What is most valuable to a narcissist is your time and energy. The narcissist kept me on the hook with all their lies, probably adoring the special attention. But ultimately, I stood in the way of what they wanted.
The narcissist would always gaslight me — even through text messages. If they didn’t remember it happening, then it never happened. Period.
What kind of person can live like that? Well, a narcissist can.
It can describe someone who isn’t formally diagnosed but displays a set pattern of symptoms consistent with narcissism.
Suggested Reading: Understanding the Disorder Behind a Narcissist
I can only speak about the narcissist in my life, but mine is keen on staying the way they are. They aren’t able to see the destructive nature of their behavior.
Understanding a narcissist comes with the task of understanding how a narcissist behaves.
Lies are their truth
Lies keep a narcissist’s image, reputation, and demands always fulfilled. The lies told by a narcissist are filled with confusion and misunderstanding.
The narcissist always chose to lie, even when the truth was right in front of their face. I saw it, clear as day.
With all of these lies, does a narcissist really believe them? Yes! Of course, they do; they need to. They must believe their lies — they simply can’t let the truth slip out.
It’s almost as if the truth would cause a narcissist would lose everything. While that isn’t always the case, it may be earth-shattering for the narcissist.
I kept track of the different answers to the same question I would receive. But I was never allowed to question that; it wasn’t something I needed to concern myself with — well, according to the rest of my family.
But it was hard to ignore the various lies I had to sort through. The mountainous lies that pile on top of one another are nothing more than a quick solution — and ultimate deterrence from taking accountability.
But there isn’t any accountability for them to take. They don’t need to take accountability.
A Narcissist Only Looks Out For Themselves
A narcissist is always out for themselves in any situation. They are only out for themselves — that’s an obvious fact, isn’t it? All in the narcissist’s pursuit of self-satisfaction — there is no limit for them.
You can get anything you want in life if you do anything it takes to get it. Even if that’s compromising your family relationships.
The narcissist in my life was focused only on their desires and wants. They did and said anything they could to make a small battle go their way. But that’s how narcissists are, though; they are only looking out for themselves.
Looking out for yourself and your safety is normal; you’re most important in your life. A narcissist will take that to a new level. To a narcissist, we are simply living in their world.
Sometimes, what you may want can hurt other people. The narcissist in my life was basically ruling my family; they needed to have this control.
For my narcissist to ensure that nothing stood in their way, they controlled everything. To keep this control, lies and manipulation are a must.
At the end of the day, a narcissist needs someone who will accept their lies without question. For me? Well, I was never too keen on filling those requests.
Not accepting their lies
Over time, I learned that whatever the narcissist said was a lie. I never knew the narcissist to tell the truth. In fact, I don’t even know what the truth is from them.
Whenever I felt that I could trust them, they always did something to show me that I couldn’t. Quite simply, their truth never stayed the same.
At a point in time, around my teenage years, I was faced with a smear campaign from the narcissist in my life. During this time, the narcissist refused to acknowledge my existence. I mean, literally refuse to admit that I was there.
The narcissist could paint any narrative they wanted; I was powerless against them.
During family events I would be left out of conversation. I was treated a space that filled the spot at the dinner table.
I was watched with caution as if I was a wild animal that is completely unpredictable. All of this came through the lies that the narcissist told about me.
Through this time I learned one thing: the narcissist really hated me.
The narcissist always hated me
They hated me during these times because I wouldn’t believe the lies they were feeding us.
I became isolated from my family, not trusted, and hated — I was only 17 years old. I was just a child, being treated like I had the intentions of a sinister adult. Nothing I could do except live with what was dished out to me.
When you don’t accept the lies from someone that is never wrong, you’re left looking like a negative Nancy.
The narcissist made it known that I was not welcome.
And this is precisely what the narcissist wanted to happen. The lies the narcissist told about me caused other family members to turn against me.
The narcissist being who they are is simply enough of a reason for you to trust them. To doubt a narcissist is to put a bullseye on your back.
All while the narcissist is punishing you, a smear campaign is occurring. A smear campaign was is the way a narcissist will spread lies about you.
It’s like leaving a not so subtle hint at your outlandeous behavior.
Through all of this and stepping back from the interpersonal conflict, I saw the bigger picture. The narcissist wanted to win every battle and keep up their image and false reality.
With each lie, they grew out of control
Lies catch up with you; there’s no other way around it. The narcissist was never truly able to see their own lies. The narcissist’s lies were their truth.
Over the years, I began to speak out against the narcissist. I wanted my family to know that they were up to something.
The narcissist was sneaking around behind the family’s back telling a different story for each person. Being consistently busy with unknown duties and responsibilities left the narcissist unavailable and less present.
Although their time was scared, they still demanded perfection and Order. Every interaction, holiday, or family event had a preterrdmined path for the narcissist.
Their patterns of behavior always included lies. Lies may seem like a quick way for a narcissist to get out of trouble, and while that may be true, the effects are lasting.
How a Narcissist’s Lies Work
The lies transformed into such a mountain of a beast that the narcissist needed to take out the people that we were calling them out. From there, a smear campaign can help to steer others in favor of the narcissist.
Lies snowball — from one situation to the next. A narcissist will say anything they need to say to get out of trouble. There isn’t anything they won’t try to get out of.
The narcissist had created such a fantasy on top of all their lies. They failed to recognize how their behavior was affecting those around them.
Or maybe, that was the whole point.
A narcissist’s goals are simply to get what they want. That is fine if it means stepping on people they are supposed to care for and love.
You are important to them–but they won’t ever admit that.
Any situation is a chance for the narcissist to push their own agenda.
A narcissist is very sure of themselves and their place in this world. Confidence–whether made up or real sells it.
Their lies paint a bigger picture
The narcissist uses lies to keep the image they want to uphold. Narcissism comes with thinking that you are better than the best; you are the most perfect person.
The number of times that I have had to reevaluate my own memory because I am faced with such determined lies.
They won’t even face the truth about their lies. The narcissist was unable to see an issue with how their lies not adding up.
If you don’t discuss it, then it isn’t real. That was their selfish, unspoken approach to life. This was the frustrating mode the narcissist ran on.
Only accepting their own reality and not acknowledging the truth is an unfortunate way to live.
At the end of the day, a narcissist believes the lies they peddle. Lies are not lies to them; they don’t see anything wrong with telling what they believe.
The Confidence of a Narcissist is Powerful
That’s why passion and conviction can help people believe their lies. Even though their lies are apparent, they don’t see it that way.
Every lie is a reflection of their twisted reality. In a way, it’s alarming to see. How can someone just lie like that?
Does credibility ever cross their mind? Or do they believe they are so powerful that they don’t need to establish a line of credibility?
The lies they tell paint who they believe themselves to be. If they are innocent, then they are most certainly a saint. If you don’t see what the narcissist sees in themself, then you are the problem.
The bigger picture with a narcissist is their ultimate goals or aspirations — by whatever means necessary.
The narcissist will quickly stop you from being who you are, and they can control you.
Once I realized the reality that the narcissist wanted us to see I was shocked. Frankly, their reality was a delusion.
The lies are strung together to support the life they want to attain — whatever that may look like.
Getting a Narcissist’s Way is the Ultimate Goal
At the end of the day, the narcissist wanted their way. They want to be in charge, in control, and in power. A narcissist’s goals are always driven by self-satisfaction.
To be honest, I have given up the battle. Trying go be rational with the narcissist was never going to occur.
They needed to step on the people around them to get a leg up to continue this façade. It always felt like they were playing chess or some game — we weren’t just two people. I was a game piece for them, along with other people.
I can’t be around someone like that.
Through these awful times they put me through, I noticed their behavior patterns quite well. The narcissist is the most predictable person I have ever known in my entire life.
Something would always be on their list; whether it was a monetary gain or adjusting the spotlight, they always had a set pattern of behavior.
It was clear to see what they were doing, I just had to stay away from them.
Every lie they tell is one step closer to getting what they want. What a narcissist wants is not always rooted in material objects. Evading responsibility, questioning, or diverting attention to them are also essential.
Is a Narcissist Only Out for Material Goods?
That doesn’t mean that a narcissist won’t be materialistic. Not every desire that a narcissist has is strictly for material goods. I witnessed a narcissist talk with me about something significant one week; by the next week, they had no idea what I was talking about.
Of course — it always has to be me, doesn’t it?
Lies are a narcissist’s truth — they certainly believe the lies they push, even if they don’t make much sense. But how can that be?
What other way would a narcissist have it? Through all the lies, how can a narcissist get people to believe their lies effortlessly?
Suddenly, it feels like the world has shifted. My family did not trust me anymore. I became a disappointment.
What Makes a Narcissist’s Lies so Powerful?
Their lies are powerful because of the desire, drive, and confidence that every narcissist carries. A narcissist wants to be trusted and liked for many different reasons.
A narcissist’s lies become powerful because they become indestructible. After all, the narcissist discredits the truth from others.
Frankly, a narcissist isn’t afraid to lie or take it far. Narcissists want what they came for — they can’t see beyond themselves.
Although a narcissist’s lies are powerful, it doesn’t mean it is hopeless.
No one is more proud, confident, or arrogant than a narcissist who believes their own lies. A lot of hard work comes with the ultimate goal of always looking like the good guy and the most perfect person.
I have carried the abuse from a narcissist on my back for far too long.
There is time, lies, and dedication to spreading the narcissist’s truth. A person is simply a chess piece to them.
The word narcissist means more than simply describing someone. It’s a culmination of all the pain and suffering this person’s actions have caused you.
Narcissists spend a lot of time crafting their audacious lies to gain what they want. They can work on their reputation so that the people around them are on their side. Narcissists must have the support around them that they need.
A Favorable Perception is What a Narcissist is After
They are nothing without their reputation.
I saw this happen plenty of times with the narcissist in my life. They consistently told me a different lie to the same question. There was no shame to them when telling whatever lie they needed to form to their reality.
The belief that a narcissist holds makes their lies more believable.
The narcissist in my life always lied to me. This sounds like such an overused statement, doesn’t it? But it’s entirely true. Narcissists are stuck within their own world, and the consequences bleed out.
A narcissist’s lies paint the picture of themselves that they want the world to see.
Eventually, the narcissist’s lies will snowball.
At the end of the day, narcissist only has a goal of seeing themselves. They want to have the best life, with the best people, with the best opportunities. But that’s something that we all want.
But how far are we willing to go for it? How much will we lose to achieve the goals we want?
In the end, a narcissist doesn’t see anyone but themselves.