It’s simple — I just need to be the opposite of them.
I stand on the other side, still alive through the trying times that my narcissist has put me through. The lies that I had been fed for years were finally coming to an end.
I have faced the most challenging days of my life and held firm throughout the dusty storms through this time. Now, I am left with the constant reminder that I am scarred and haunted by my narcissist.
I think back frequently to the times that my narcissist truly impacted me. How their words made me change who I was because I was afraid. That was the key, though, wasn’t it? To keep me afraid? Being afraid causes me to be more submissive to their lies and deceit.
Through all the manipulation tactics and smear campaigns, I learned to be a good person. I was so horrified at how I was treated that it felt nearly impossible to fully break free from.
I learned what not to be because I needed to be better. I grew to hate the narcissist so much that I despised all they were. I wanted a life that was the opposite of theirs; I needed change.
But from the destruction grew beautiful flowers that I will carry with me forever.
Life lessons
My narcissist would always tell me to “do the right thing” because I dared to resist their demand. Through my defiance, I grew a name for myself as a trouble maker.
I was the evil person in the family, and I didn’t know what to do. I saw the only option was to be a nice, more obedient person. I was a greedy, money-hungry liar who was ruining the family. But I later came to find out that I had been lied to (obviously) — that’s a story for another time, though.
So I set out on a mission at this time to be a better person — through the guidance of my narcissist, of course. I learned to stay quiet, and I learned to observe. I challenged my gut instinct and suppressed the questions that I had.
Through this time, I wanted to show my narcissist more respect. I frequently went out of my way to help the narcissist. After all, I believed this was the way to be a better person: do what the narcissist said.
But my narcissist saw power and control as a way to gain respect. The respect they wanted was done by manipulating and controlling various family members — I wasn’t the only one.
How not to behave
As I process my narcissist’s impact on me, I realize that they have given me the best lesson of all.
I have learned how to be a good person. The narcissist is a shining example of how you should not behave towards family and friends.
I learned to be open, transparent, and clear about my intentions and actions. I wanted to show that I had nothing to hide. Which is entirely true, I don’t. I treat people with kindness, as that is how I want to be treated in return. I do not do good things to brag about them later.
Being open and transparent shows that I have nothing to hide. I have learned through my narcissist that secrets that you keep will always come back to haunt you. You cannot hide what you don’t want others to know.
Whatever you do in the dark comes to light one way or another.
I don’t need to hide the truth because I would never tell a lie to save my own skin or gain money somehow. Hiding the truth because they need to protect their reputation; it’s a vital part of who they are.
I can get through anything
Through the times I have spent enduring the narcissistic abuse, I have learned something valuable through processing all of this.
I have learned that I am a strong individual; I am a good person with good intentions. I want to be happy, and I want to spread love, not fear.
I know that through trying times, I am strong. I am sturdy, and I am capable. At the end of the day, I know that I am loved and cared for — and that I have put love out into the world.
I can rest peacefully knowing I have set out with life to have good intentions.
I now live with a solid moral ethic.
I did not run my life on lies that I created to inflate my ego.
I want to tell the truth, even if it is hard. I cannot keep living a lie to make others happy.
I have learned how to be me.
Through all of the struggles in my life, I am glad that I have been given these valuable lessons. I will never act in the way that the narcissist acted. I sympathize with them, though. They have no idea how much hurt they have caused — and the potential for our relationship to be healthy and like a family.
And I’ve also learned that I don’t need to hold people in fear to be treated with respect. I earn respect through my actions and behavior every single day.
You will see my intentions through my actions — and they are nothing but pure.